Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Being Myself, If I Can
Yesterday, Luke said something along the lines of "Be yourself, if you can". Well I was looking at some people's blogs and what they wrote about my pictures. A lot of them said I seem to be really innocent and quiet and sweet. That's very different than what my close friends think of me. But even my close friends see me completely differently than how I see myself. I wonder what dictates who a person is. Is it a mixture of every perception of me? Is how I see myself the only thing that matters? Or does majority rule? I know myself the best, so that means what I see should matter most. But if everyone else sees me a certain way, that becomes who I am. It's like someone who goes to jail for a crime they didn't do. The law of the country is telling them they're guilty. The United States, one of the biggest powers in the world tells them, "you're guilty". That innocent person may know that they are not guilty, but according to the United States, they are, and that's all that matters. I'm the only one in the world who can possible know exactly who I am, but according to EVERYONE around me, I'm someone else. Who's opinion matters? Someone could say it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. I agree, it doesn't, until it starts to effect the way I think of myself. I don't really understand what I'm saying. All the thinking I've been doing has led me to sort of a state of uncertainty about everything. Sometimes I make myself so confused that I get this visual of my thoughts being pushed into a black hole or something. It puts my mind at ease, but at the same time I feel like I'm losing some ideas that may not be good but can't possibly hurt. Here's an idea that I actually just thought of. This blog can be my black hole. A beautiful metaphor, I know. Like this entry, it could very possibly turn into a whole lot of rambling. Hopefully, I'll get something out of it.
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sometimes i feel the same way.
ReplyDeleteIlana, we've much to discuss. Almost everyone goes through this phase where they want to know who the hell they are, it's a normal thing. I too have gone through this last year, we should meet and talk about this, I have some great advice. At the moment, I'm afraid this is all I can do to help you figure things out at the moment, leave you with a Bob Dylan quote I heard a while back, "All I can do is be myself, who ever that is."
ReplyDeleteI love this post. You are grappling with the big questions of identity, and how is it constructed. In fact, it is such a big question, such a hard question, that even forming the question is difficult, let alone getting an aswer. I think Rilke will help you a bit.
ReplyDeleteLuke
I felt the exact same way about everything since 8th grade, and from the beginning of 8th grade up until a month ago I felt like I lost myself. I was a different person every week, trying to figure out which personality fits. During those two years my writing was really bad as well, everything I touched turned to crap. I hope you don't end up as confused as I was. Well actually if you do, maybe it's a good thing because I feel so much more at ease with myself now then I ever had before.
ReplyDeleteI got a lot of my 'identity' from doing the drawing mural. I could be in my own little world and concentrate on knowing myself.
ReplyDeleteAs a senior, it's a little scary: there are people around me who could be going through the same things i went through.
I think the best thing you can do for yourself is let your true self show through your words and actions. People only don't know what you keep from them. If you're a freak inside, wave your freak flag high. If you think "not so innocent thoughts" don't be afraid to say them outloud. Whatever it is that defines you in your brain, let the rest of the world see it too
ReplyDeletewe did a project that addressed the question of what i think of myself vs. what people think of me last year. and it was really interesting because we had to come up with what we thought other people thought of ourselves. it was a challenge
ReplyDeleteI don't think that anyone really knows who they are exactly. I think that we only have a sense. I believe that the people around us influence who we become. We do what others want and what others think we do with a combination of what we want and what we want to do. It's a challenge to stay true to ourselves but having a sense of who you are helps us get to that point.
ReplyDelete