STAC Live

Just after ninth period on Friday when we were still in the auditorium, some kid who was sitting directly behind us said to his friend, "Yo, we should join STAC". The friend said, "Am I gay?" Then they laughed because it was just the funniest thing since the atomic bomb. I turned around and gave them my "are you serious?" look. One kid was like, "Sorry." I told him not to apologize, just that if they came to insult us, not to sit right behind us. The idiot goes "Don't worry. I'll join STAC".
I wasn't offended. I haven't cared what people like that think about me for a while. I guess I pride myself on that. I was going to write that I couldn't believe how ignorant people could be, but then I realized that I could believe it very easily and that's what makes me sad. "Don't worry. I'll join STAC." Is that really what he got out of what I said? So I put myself in his position. We all play different roles. We are different people depending on who we're with, right? I'm thinking now about what we did at the community center when we became our characters. We do that every day, don't we? We believe we are the person that we project onto people around us. Maybe that's what the kid was doing. When he comes to school every day, he is a character. He tilts his hat to the side and is ready for action. He sees his friends and his character has sunk in. He sneers at anything and everything that he can possibly place himself above on the social hierarchy. He starts his sentences with "Yo". So when he came to STAC Live, he stayed in character. I'm not saying that secretly he loved it and went home and built a secret shrine to it in his closet, but maybe if he hadn't spent years creating and sinking into this character of his, he would have had a more open mind. At least I'm going to tell myself this because it makes me very sad that there are people who can't peer outside the norm and see that it's okay to like something that isn't drugs, alcohol, 50 cent, or not using their brains.
Rather than being offended by these kids, I was genuinely proud. I hate knowing something (STAC is full of smart, creative people, for example) and knowing that there are tons of people who will never believe you. It's like having a ghost follow you around. Why even try to convince anyone it's there? As much as I hate it, I thought, at least I'm one of the ones who knows. I had never felt more proud to be in STAC, not even the day I opened the acceptance letter. I was also proud of my ability to tell these kids off, or at least let them know I heard and make them look kind of stupid. Incredibly, I used to be even more of a nervous wreck than I am now. I'm in the two major groups of outcasts in school, STAC and track. Both are called gay cults. For some reason, I'm able to stand up for these groups when I hear stupid remarks. A couple of years ago, I would probably laugh along. I know that trying to change people's opinions is a useless effort, so I don't try to. I just pride myself on my new found ability to be a mirror to people being stupid. Last week, this nice kid trying to do his homework was being bullied by these kids who I've known since kindergarten and who I know to be idiots. Last year, during cross country season, my team ran past them during a warm up. As we ran by, they yelled "Fags" and laughed. As I ran that day, I planned out what I would have said to them and came up with a nice little comeback. I still know it by heart. And I hated that I hadn't said it. This time, the first thing that came to me was "What the hell are you doing? You're going to rot in guido hell", so I said it. They were kind of speechless (Like I said, I couldn't always do that). Then they apologized to the kid and walked away and started being stupid again. You can hardly change a person, but you can make them ashamed of themselves. It's more about me, though. They're kids who I've hated for most of my life, and I, a STACie and trackie had just put them in their place.
This is going to be then end of my venting about anti-STAC feelings. It's not really worth acknowledging, although I just spent a while acknowledging it. I just hope that if anybody is actually bothered by the people who hate us or pretend to hate us because it's the cool thing, they can take my mentality. At least we know that STAC is good. At least we're the ones who know.